don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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