Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
