I have demons in me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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