ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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