I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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