If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize