dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize