You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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