He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
