last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Green mimosas i think yes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This baby is an asshole
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
