On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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