Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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