remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
