he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
