At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
