Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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