So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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