after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
