So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize