walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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