He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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