I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
