4 words: hood of his car
love makes seman taste better
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
