I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
