you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
