found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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