I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
