Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize