remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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