maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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