Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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