shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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