We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Text me some of your sweat
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
