and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize