apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
