Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
