why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
