It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
