I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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