he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
