no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
