I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need moral support for this bender
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize