No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
