We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
