Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
