sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
