I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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