did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
