totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
