I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize