4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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