I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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