connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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