ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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