i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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