i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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