when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
