Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
