My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
