don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize