i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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