he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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