I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
