Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
