Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
