You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize