I'm so fucking centered right now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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