she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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