Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
