I just cut my nipple shaving
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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