just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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